Divorce is never easy and takes a toll on the entire family. For your children, all they’ve known their whole lives is their parents under the same roof with the same daily and nightly routines. Whether you eat dinner together around the table, watch a show, or read together before bed, the family spends much of their time together.
All of this comes to a halt when the parents get divorced. What used to be the entire family under one roof is now each parent living under separate roofs. If you have 50/50 custody with your co-parent, the children go back and forth between homes, often missing the entire family unit living together. This feeling hits even harder around the holidays.
With the holiday season around the corner, we wanted to share 5 tips for making your first divorced holidays special for your children so you can make this time of year merry and bright.
1. Plan a Holiday Activity Together
Spending the holidays with your ex is probably the last thing on your wishlist this year, but try to plan some holiday activities together for the kids. Your children are used to spending the holidays under one roof as a family, not separated during the most wonderful time of the year. Therefore, make them feel like you’re still a family unit even if you don’t live under the same roof as your ex.
Holiday activities with your ex don’t have to be lavish or last long. Activities can be as simple as inviting them to a holiday party you’re throwing at your home, taking the kids together to see Christmas lights, baking a holiday treat, attending local holiday events with the kids, etc. There are so many fun holiday activities in and around Kansas City that are quick and won’t make things too awkward with your ex. The point is to spend time together to make your children happy.
2. Be Civil With Your Co-parent
Children can pick up on so many of our emotions without us even realizing it. Whether you’ve had a long, hard day at work, are frustrated with a friend, or received bad news, your kids can sense your mood. Likewise, if you’ve recently argued with your co-parent or have had recent issues in navigating this new co-parenting journey, they can probably tell you’re frustrated.
The best thing for your children is to be civil with your ex. We don’t mean that you need to be best friends with them, but try your best to keep things neutral and your emotions in check. A successful co-parenting relationship will help your children enjoy the holidays and life after divorce much better than if you two treated each other poorly.
3. Tell Your Children Holiday Plans in Advance
Children don’t always feel confident while adjusting to life after divorce. They also may not feel like they belong at either home without the other parent living under the same roof. Luckily, you can help them feel better. According to Head Start Early Childhood Learning & Knowledge Center, routines that prep children for the day increase their self-confidence and sense of belonging.
To increase their self-confidence and sense of belonging during the holiday season, keep their routines consistent between households and tell them about holiday plans in advance. They’ll know what to expect, and if they don’t love them, it’ll give them time to understand their emotions and talk through their struggles.
4. Try New Traditions
Aim to keep some holiday traditions you shared with the family when you were still married, but also try adding some new ones. Trying new ones together without both spouses under the same roof will help your children develop a sense of belonging, making it easier for them to adjust to this new normal. Keeping old traditions, like opening stockings before presents, and adding something new, like baking a dessert together on Thanksgiving day, will boost their confidence and help distract from their sadness.
5. Listen to Your Children
Keeping open communication with your children throughout the divorce process is extremely important, as is open communication after divorce. Kids naturally feel many emotions as they age and go through life experiences but nothing prepares them for life after their parents divorce, especially when that first holiday season rolls around.
Listening to your children and offering solutions can help them enjoy this holiday season. If you have younger children, pick up on their behavior and talk with them to understand why they’re acting out. For older children, check in with them often to ensure they’re doing okay. Holidays can feel lonely after a divorce, so listening to your child and having honest discussions can make all the difference in their world.
Implementing any of the tips above will help your entire family enjoy the holiday season as you adjust to life after divorce. Your children will have a wonderful holiday season despite this major lifestyle change.
With over fifty-three years of combined legal experience, our family law firm is comprised of a team that’s skilled in both negotiation and litigation, handling family law matters from the most complex to the most straightforward. Our team of zealous attorneys will handle your case with expert knowledge and professionalism.
If you’re currently going through a divorce or need help with a modification action or child custody, the The Kuhl Law Firm, LLC can help. We’re dedicated to the practice of family law and can help guide you through the entire process. Our office is located in Lee’s Summit, Missouri. In addition to our physical location, our firm’s family and divorce attorneys have practiced in Jackson, Clay, Cass, Lafayette, and Platte County, Missouri. Contact our family law firm today to schedule a consultation – we can meet in person or via Zoom.