Whether you’ve recently divorced, have a child with an ex whom you share custody, or have an existing paternity action case, you have gone through a hardship that can be emotional for everyone involved. Dating again and finding a new partner is an exciting new chapter that can fill your heart, especially after heartbreak.
Breaking the news to your children that you’re separating, divorcing, or sharing custody can be emotional for the children involved. On the other hand, telling your child you’re in a new relationship or introducing a new partner to them can be equally as emotional.
If you’re in a serious relationship and are a parent, it can be tough to navigate how best to go about your partner and your children meeting. Keep reading to learn five tips for introducing a new partner to your children so you can have a smooth and positive introduction.
1. Before Anything, Tell Your Co-parent
If you share children with your ex, you know how important it is to be a team. If you two aren’t aligned in how to raise your children and make decisions for them together, it can be a challenging co-parenting relationship. Hopefully, you’ve put your differences aside for your children’s sake and have a successful co-parenting relationship. Before you introduce your new partner to your children, you should tell your co-parent.
You don’t necessarily need to bring your new partner to meet your co-parent just yet, but they should be aware that you’re in a serious relationship to the point where you want them to meet your children. They shouldn’t hear the news from your children regardless of how great or bad your co-parenting relationship is. Since you share children, they should be aware of who is going to be around their children, just as you would want to have the same courtesy extended to you.
If your ex requests to meet your new partner, let them. Having a positive co-parenting relationship is a plus, but getting to know your new partner, someone who will be around their children, will put them at ease and even strengthen your co-parenting relationship.
2. Put Your Child First
Odds are, your children will be healing from your divorce or separation for a long time. It’s heartbreaking as a child to know that your parents aren’t together and both can no longer live under the same roof as you. When it comes time to introduce your new partner to your children, put your children’s needs and wants first and foremost.
Sit them down, look them in the eyes without cell phones, TV, or other distractions, and tell them about your new partner. You can share some fun facts about them, the interests they share with your children, and that they’re looking forward to meeting your children. Then, ask your children if they feel comfortable meeting your new partner. They may not be ready just yet, but they will be more open to the idea with time. Never rush them or push them into an awkward situation they aren’t comfortable with.
3. Get Your Child’s Input on How to Meet
If your child agrees to meet your new partner, get their input for how they’d like to meet your significant other. Would they prefer to meet them in the comfort of your home, at a restaurant, at a park, or doing an activity they enjoy? When you get your child’s input, they feel like they have a say in something they can’t control, helping them feel more comfortable about meeting your new partner. Meeting in a neutral spot like a restaurant, mini golf, or ice cream shop is short and sweet, a great recipe for a positive first meeting.
4. Don’t Put Pressure on The Meeting
You’re probably anxious about your children and your partner meeting. There’s a lot to think about, from wondering if they’ll get along to if they’ll like each other or if your children will accept them. Though you’re probably feeling an immense amount of pressure about the introduction, don’t put pressure on the meeting. Try not to show your children how anxious you are and remain calm so they will too. They’ll probably feel uncomfortable or stressed if they pick up on your emotions.
5. Minimize PDA
Everyone in a new relationship goes through the “honeymoon phase” where you are new to new experiences with your partner like holding hands and showing other public displays of affection. Children can feel uncomfortable and may even resent your new partner if you have constant contact with them during the introduction and until your children feel comfortable with them. Therefore, it’s important to minimize PDA when your partner and children meet.
It’s intimidating thinking about your children and new partner meeting for the first time. You want your partner and your children to both make a great first impression and for them to hit it off. Following the tips above will make for a smoother and more enjoyable experience. All of us at the The Kuhl Law Firm, LLC wish you a wonderful and pleasant introduction!
If you’re currently going through a divorce or need help with a modification action or child custody, the The Kuhl Law Firm, LLC can help. We’re dedicated to the practice of family law and can help guide you through the entire process. Our office is in Lee’s Summit, Missouri. In addition to our physical location, our firm’s family and divorce attorneys have practiced in Jackson, Clay, Cass, Lafayette, and Platte County, Missouri. Contact our family law firm today to schedule a consultation – we can meet in person or via Zoom.
With over fifty-three years of combined legal experience, our family law firm is comprised of a team that’s skilled in both negotiation and litigation, handling family law matters from the most complex to the most straightforward. Our team of zealous attorneys will handle your case with expert knowledge and professionalism.